October 10, 2011 - Journal Entry
Then of course there are the writings, the writings upon writings that fill journal upon journal. To date I average filling two journals a month with amazing wisdom, thoughts and teachings that pour forth so generously and easily from the fount of my most inner and highest being-ness. At least that is my current comprehension of this source. I think of it as my God connection. I call it The Wisdom Channel when my family questions from where I get my facts when I answer a posed question with the confidence of one who speaks with authority. I do speak and write with confidence that I am speaking and writing the truth, for I have full faith in this source, which I believe is “The Source,” the one and only true source of all.
I didn’t always know so, no, not at all. It’s almost like I was tricked into this writing. Not in any deceitful way but if someone had clearly told me from the beginning that I was to listen to and record the promptings of an inner voice, well I would have been so much more that skeptical. I would have been so freaked out with every random thought that I would have probably admitted my own self to the “funny farm.” But thank God, Yes, thank you God, for not handling it that way, for my trust was gained by a much softer and gentler approach. I signed myself up for what I felt was almost a game.
Words and phrases started coming to me as inspirations that I thought sounded like wonderful names for paintings. In the few years before, the names of my paintings had evolved from a statement of referencing time, place and subject to more esoteric concepts. Like Enlightenment and Look at the Bright Side and The Sky is No Limit. Now, I also see that the works themselves had emerged from within my own being, not specifically referencing a particular time, place or subject. When it came time to name a painting, I would just stand in front of it and wait for one of these ideas to pop in my head. I never second-guessed the idea, for I was always humored and delighted by each original idea presented. Besides, as I was such a prolific painter, I was always so thankful to have a painting title come to me, so it was never a chore.
One day, I was inspired to write down words and phrases that were coming to me which sounded like excellent painting titles. So I began writing each phrase down like a list as it came to me. Then I would click my pen closed, lay it down and turn my attention back to whatever I had been doing. But it seemed that just the moment I set the pen down that another great idea would pop into my head. I thought it was fun and a game. I remember saying to my husband David how I had a lot of painting to do as I already had the names of over 800 paintings. I thought it was funny and pondered the idea of reversing my creative process and beginning with a title and allow the image to flow forth from that inspiration instead of the process of creating as image and having a title inspired by such.
I never read back through them. I never saw the importance but I do remember wondering if I was repeating phrases and if I should edit the thoughts by not writing down “a title” I had written before. But I soon decided not to edit the words and just let them flow. I didn’t at that time have any idea how or really why these ideas were coming to me. I got my brain involved for a while in the beginning and started looking for great words and phrases. I would underline them in magazines articles and advertising. But that didn’t last too long for I found I didn’t have to work at this, the task at hand was to write down whatever came to me on whatever I could find to write it on.
It was a lot like how my art ideas have come to me. An idea forms in my mind begging to be expressed and until it is my mind cannot rest. So to appease my mind, I had to empty it of each idea as it came. And the more I did it the more that came. I couldn’t think about it. I had to remove my mind from the process. I never sat with pen in hand and stared at the paper wondering what to write next. I just wrote what I was given as it was given. I learned to always have within reach a notebook and kept several handy. Not ever considering that it was important when or where I jotted down each idea. It was just a game I played with myself.
Gradually, I was inspired to write out more flowing essay type ideas. The thoughts expressed and wisdom offered amazed me. I treasured the wisdom which was so apropos to everything I questioned about life and never doubted the authority behind it. It is now my understanding that the words of wisdom that flow through and to me, are for sure Divine Inspirations. But, I wondered, just how did I ever manage to be such a channel for such Divine Wisdom? And then I thought back to the multitude of “painting titles,” words which I had never assumed told any story or were any form of communication. When this idea came to me just a few months ago I literally ran to the cabinet where I have stuffed my old painting title journals. As I read I was stunned. There was an amazing continuity to the words and phrases, a conversation, communication, messages, wisdom, love, all there, all the time. It was if was if Spirit was tapping the door of my mind. “Hello, we are here, are you listening? All is well. Keep it up. Each day is better. Look up, love is all around you.”